Why Do You Still Feel Six Years Old?

You've built a life, a successful career, maybe a family and a reputation for having it together. And then something small happens — a raised voice, a sharp email, someone's disappointment — and suddenly you feel six years old, about to be told off. Like you've done something wrong before you've even worked out what it is.

If that feels familiar, you're not overreacting, and you're not imagining it.

The part of you that never grew up (why you still feel six years old)

Throughout childhood experiences, a part of you learned the rules — don't be too much, don't get it wrong, don't be seen, don't speak up — and that younger part doesn't realise that you've now grown up and the danger has passed. That younger part is still exactly the age it was when it learned the rule. Whatever the age, it's frozen there, while the rest of you grew up, got capable and built your life.

And because that younger part learned, early on, how to keep you safe, she's often still the one quietly driving things without you realising — the apology before you've spoken, the hesitation before you ask for what you need, the internal flinch before the telling-off (that isn't coming anymore).

Why willpower doesn't touch this

This is why advice like "just be more confident" or "stop overthinking it" never actually works. You're not dealing with a habit. You're dealing with a much younger part of you, still running on information that stopped being true a very long time ago.

She's not being difficult. She's doing exactly what she was built to do — protect you and keep you safe from something that isn't a threat anymore.

What changes when she's finally met

The shift doesn't come from understanding this intellectually — most women already sense it, somewhere. It comes from actually meeting that younger part. Letting her know, in a way she can feel rather than just hear, that the danger has passed. That she doesn't have to hold onto that set of rules anymore and she's safe to let them go.

That's the moment I watch happen, again and again, in this work. Not fixing anyone. Just someone finally being present and connected with those parts to be able to soften and reassure them.

If any of this landed, that part of you isn't a flaw to override. She's been trying to protect you the whole time — is it time to let her know she doesn't need to anymore?